The Great GH Songbook
by Tinkerbell3902
Summary: A collection of oneshot songfics. Couples included are JoLu, Scrubs, CarSon, SpinMax, GSpin, and others.
1. JoLu: I Wish

**A/N**: I thought that this would be a fun one to write… it's AU but the song is pretty self-explanatory and sets up the story so I won't say anything :) happy reading!!

**JoLu – I Wish**

It had been raining for three days. Johnny Zacchara snapped his phone shut and shuddered at the sharp crackle of thunder. He walked to his desk and sat down in front of the papers that Claudia had given him to acquire a piece of land to develop a new nightclub in Port Charles. Suddenly, there was a sharp knocking at the door. The knock jolted him out of his chair and sent his heart racing.

"Yes?" Johnny asked.

"A Mrs. Hayes to see you," the voice on the other side of the door said. Johnny closed his eyes and exhaled shakily. He couldn't believe that those words still stung like they did.

_Mrs. Hayes… Mrs. Logan Hayes._

"Send her in," he said, pouring himself a shot of scotch. He was going to need a few more of these to prepare for her. The door opened and she walked in, slamming the door behind her. She was completely drenched. Her hair was soaked along with the dress that she was wearing like she had walked all the way from Port Charles to Crimson Pointe without an umbrella. Her bottom lip was trembling and her mascara was running down her face, maybe from the rain or maybe from crying. He swore underneath his breath. She was gorgeous. He sighed and shook his head. He hated himself for this.

"What do you want, Lulu?" he asked.

"I just wanted to tell you that this thing between us… it's done… over… I'm going to work things out with Logan… I owe the girls that much… I don't want to put them through a divorce." She said, clutching her purse.

"That's it? You came all the way here to end things?" he asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Yes," she exhaled.

"Fine then… go… you said what you needed to say… we're done." He said, going back to his papers.

"Is that all you have to say to me, Johnny?" she asked sadly.

He slammed the folder that he was holding onto the desk and she flinched at the sound. He exhaled again looked up at her. He was tired of doing this with her.

"What do you want me to say, Lulu? Huh? Do you want me to beg you to not to end things? Do you want me to yell at you out of jealous anger? Damn it, Lulu… you have a husband and two daughters… and I was just the fool who took up with a married woman… what am I supposed to do?" he asked.

_**It was love at first sight  
I know from the way she looked at me  
**__**Her eyes said it all  
Long days and nights, we spent  
Until she dropped the bomb on me  
When she said that she  
Was unhappily married with children**_

_**And I wish I never met her at all  
Even though I love her so  
And she got love for me  
But she still belongs to someone else**_

Lulu's eyes were brimming with tears. She covered her mouth with her hand and choked back a sob. He walked over to the table and poured another glass of scotch and gulped it down. He couldn't even bring himself to look at her as she cried.

"I know you're angry…" she said, softly.

"You have no idea how I feel…" he growled as the fury in his eyes grew.

"Johnny…" she started.

"You lied to me… for months…" he seethed.

"And I'm so sorry… I didn't—I didn't plan on…" she started.

"You didn't plan on what, Lulu? You didn't plan on meeting me that night? You didn't plan on lying to me about your life? What is it?" He barked, turning to her.

"I didn't plan on falling for you, Johnny!" she cried.

He blinked slowly, pretending that her words had no effect on him. She closed her eyes and tears spilled down her cheeks. He gritted his teeth and fought to not break down in front of her. He had spent way too many nights in pain thinking about another man touching her but he had no right to think that way… he wasn't her husband. He was the wrongdoer in this situation but it didn't make it any less painful. He tried to do the right thing and push her away after she told him about her husband and family but he couldn't help himself. He loved her too much…

"Don't you think I hate this? I hate lying to Logan and my girls… I hate what this is doing to them and I hate what this is doing to you! But what we're doing is… it's wrong… what I feel for you is wrong." she cried.

"So now I'm the bad guy here? I'm the evil person who's getting in the way of your happiness with Logan?" he asked.

"No! No… it's not your fault… I should've—there are a lot of things that I should've done and shouldn't have done… I should've told you sooner about my life but…" she started.

"But what?" he asked.

Lulu smiled and wiped a tear from her eye. She walked to him and cupped his face in her hands. He closed his eyes and exhaled shakily as she smoothed over his cheeks with her thumbs. He opened his eyes and looked into hers and could feel his expression softening.

"I loved the way that you looked at me… and held me… and kissed me." She said, her face inching towards his.

She was too close. He could smell the shampoo in her hair, count the freckles below her eyes, feel her breath on his face… her lips grazed his, barely touching. He shut his eyes and felt her lips gently slide over his top lip. He swallowed hard and tried not to respond. _She drove him absolutely crazy_. His hands instinctually went to her waist and she pressed her lips against his.

_**It hurts so bad, for sure  
Because she wants to be with me  
But she cannot be with me  
She chose to stay, at home  
So they could be a family  
For the children  
But what about me?**_

_**And I wish I never met her at all  
Even though I love her so  
And she got love for me  
But she still belongs to someone else**_

Johnny backed Lulu against the wall near the door. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he broke away from her lips and ravaged her neck. She exhaled sharply and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Johnny," she panted.

He silenced her with another demanding kiss. He hated himself so much right now. He couldn't be strong enough to end things with a woman that he could have no future with. He heard the rattling of his belt buckle being unfastened and then felt Lulu's hands shakily unbuttoning his jeans and they quickly fell to the floor with a soft thud. Without removing himself from her, he hoisted her up against the wall, taking one of her slim thighs in each hand and she began unbuttoning his navy blue shirt. She tightened her legs, pulling his groin closer to her and he sighed. A shiver shot throughout his body as she kissed the crook of his neck and he practically tore off the black panties that she was wearing that were stopping him from having his way with this woman. He brought her hand up to her eye level and gently slid her engagement ring and wedding band off her finger.

"You're mine now…" he whispered, tossing the useless pieces of jewelry aside.

His hands forcefully bunched the skirt of her dress at her waist and he slid into her quickly, over and over again. He covered her mouth in a kiss, muffling all sound that came across their lips and they came quickly. Shaking from his release, he placed his head in the spot right below her chin. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him, rubbing his back and kissing the top of his head. Never in his life had he done something like that. There was something about Lulu that could make him snap and turn him into someone that he couldn't even recognize. She was a drug and he was addicted. He released her from the wall and they began to straighten out their clothes, in silence.

"That was the last time…" she exhaled, smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress.

"You said that the last time…" he said, looking up at her.

"This time I mean it… where did you throw my rings?" she asked, searching the room.

"You never cease to amaze me, Lulu…" he growled, rolling his eyes.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" she asked, turning to face him.

"I'm getting sick of you doing this to me, Lulu… you tell me that you love me and what you're doing to me is killing you… yet here you are, doing this again." He said.

"What would you have me do, Johnny? Huh? What do you want?" she cried.

"What do I want? I want you to leave him and come be with me! I want you to be my wife!" he yelled and she looked up at him, stunned by his words.

"What about my daughters?" she asked, softly.

"Bring them with you… we have plenty of room here in the mansion…" he started.

"Johnny…" she sighed.

"Lulu, I love you… more than anything else in this entire world… I want you with me… you and your daughters… I just—I need you, Lulu." He said.

His voice broke off and he turned around so that she couldn't see that he was tearing up. He bent over and picked up Lulu's engagement ring and wedding ring. He went back to her, holding the jewelry in his hand out to her. She looked up at him with pitiful eyes and she took her rings back.

"I don't want to be married to Logan anymore… and there's nothing that I want more in this world than to be your wife, Johnny…" she said softly, looking at the rings sitting in the palm of her hand. Johnny smiled and walked over to her, wanting to take her in his arms but she backed away.

"But I can't do that to my girls…" she said, a single tear sliding down her cheek.

_**Maybe in another life  
Things could be the way we both desired  
**__**It's a catch-22  
Either way it went  
Someone had to lose**_

_**And I wish I never met her at all  
Even though I love her so  
She's got love for me  
But she still belongs to someone else**_

He swallowed hard as she put the rings back on her finger. Those words were like a knife in his stomach. He couldn't be angry with her for wanting to keep her family together. It actually made him love her more, staying in a marriage for the stability of her home. He walked over to the table and poured himself another heaping glass of scotch. He knocked back the glass in one gulp and slammed the glass down on the table. It didn't make it hurt any less though. He felt her hand come up behind him and caress his shoulder. He removed her hand from his shoulder and folded his arms.

"Ok… I'll go…" she said quietly.

"You don't have to go," he said quickly, turning around.

She picked up her purse off of the floor and smiled at him in that you-don't-understand kind of way. She walked back over to him and cupped his face in her hands. Her touch was like heaven but was killing him at the same time.

"I regret a lot of things in my life… things that I've done or haven't done, said or haven't said… but I will never regret falling in love with you, Johnny… do you hear me? You have given me so much joy and so much life and I will always love you." she said.

He closed his eyes and felt tears falling from his eyes. She brushed them away gently and kissed him lovingly. He brought his hands and cupped her face in his hands. He didn't want to let her go. She was the only woman that he had ever truly loved and he knew that she would be the only woman that he would ever love and she was leaving him to go back to her husband, a man that she didn't love and didn't even want to be married to anymore.

"This isn't fair… you love me and I love you… you—you belong with me…" he said, his voice shaky with emotion.

"I belong with my family…" she said, pulling away from him. She backed away from him and headed towards the door. He picked up the empty glass and held it in his hand.

"You'll be back… I know it… and I'll be here, waiting…" he said, without looking up at her.

He heard the door open and close and then Lulu's footsteps softly fading away in the hallway. He threw the glass across the room, shattering it against the dark brown wooden wall of the study and a knock at the door accompanied the sound soon after.

"Mr. Zacchara, are you alright in there?" one of the guards asked.

"No… I'm not…" Johnny muttered.

_**I wish, I wish, I never met her at all  
I wouldn't hurt so much inside  
Oh, I wouldn't feel this pain  
If I never met her  
at all… at all... at all**_

**Carl Thomas – I Wish**


	2. LnL3: I Believe to My Soul

**A/N: **This one is a sequel to "I Wish" but it's LnL3 centered.

**LnL3 – I Believe to My Soul**

She wasn't the same. Something had changed since she left the house this morning. He watched her slip out of the dress that he had seen her put on this morning and step into her nightgown. Her hair was damp and she was sniffing, like she had been crying. He wasn't the fool that many people pegged him to be in town. Logan knew that his wife was having an affair. The signs were there. She was becoming more withdrawn with him, she became defensive when he asked her where she had been if she came home hours after she was expected to be home and she sometimes smelled of cologne that Logan knew didn't belong to him. He didn't even bother hiring a private investigator to follow her. It didn't matter who the other man was, it hurt just the same.

"Lu…" Logan started.

"Yes?" she asked, looking at her husband.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Nothing…" she muttered, tossing her dress into the hamper.

She was lying. He could tell. She could never look him in the eye when she lied and she was avoiding meeting his eyes like he would find out her secret if she did. He may have been a simple man but he wasn't stupid. She was twisting her engagement ring around on her finger as she walked over to their bed.

"Did you end it or did he?" Logan asked, bluntly.

His words startled her. Her head shot up and she looked up at him. Her face was one of horror and shock. He folded his arms across his chest and waited for an answer.

"I—I—I don't know what you're talking about, Logan." She stammered.

"Lulu, don't treat me like I'm an idiot… I know that you're having an affair. Now, tell me if you ended it or if he ended it." He said, mechanically.

"I did," she whimpered.

_**One of these days and it won't be long…  
You're gonna look for me and I'll be gone  
'Cause I believe (I believe, yes I believe)  
I say I believe right now (I believe, yes I believe)  
Well I believe to my soul now,  
Tryin' to make a fool of me (I believe it, I believe it)**_

He turned away from her and he could hear her begin to cry. It killed him to hear her cry but this time it pained him even more because he knew that she wasn't crying because she was sorry… she was crying for him. The anger was rising within him and he clenched his hand into a fist.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because… it wouldn't be fair to the girls… or to you…" she cried.

"You don't give a damn about me anymore, Lulu… you proved that the minute you destroyed our family for him!" he yelled, turning back to her.

"I ended things with him because I wanted to make our family work… I didn't want to put our kids through a horrible divorce and have to shuffle them back and forth between houses. I did it—I did it for us…" she said.

He couldn't even recognize the woman that was standing in front of him. They had problems sure… maybe even before she started having an affair but he never thought that it would come down to this. He never thought that things would get so bad that his own wife would turn to another man. He walked over the white armchair that sat next to the large bay windows in their bedroom.

"You did it for our daughters… but not because you love me…" he said slowly.

"Logan…" she started.

"You're not in love with me anymore, Lulu… don't even try to lie to me." He said, standing up.

_**Well you're goin' 'round here with your head so hard,  
I think I'm gonna have to use my rod…  
'Cause I believe (I believe, yes I believe)  
I say I believe right now (I believe, yes I believe)  
Well I believe to my soul now  
Tryin' to make a fool of me (I believe it, I believe it)**_

Logan walked to their closet and pulled out a suitcase, already packed. He hated that it had come to this. He sat the bag next to the door and turned to Lulu. The look on her face asked him to explain what was going on. He shoved his hands into his pocket and exhaled heavily.

"Our marriage is over, Lulu… I'm going to go check into the MetroCourt tonight and then I'm going to look for an apartment in the morning… I'll be by this weekend to pick up the girls… we'll tell them then…" he said slowly.

"But—" she started.

"You don't want to be with me anymore…" he said.

"But I chose you... I chose our family!" she cried.

"But you didn't want to… your heart isn't with me… _it's with him_… I used to have it or I hope I had it at one point but somewhere along the way, I lost it and I didn't even know…" he said sadly. "But, before I go… please tell me… did you ever bring him here?" he asked. She exhaled shakily and brushed a tear from her eye.

"Yes…" she said softly.

The simple word hit him like a truck. They had even been here… in his bed. He felt like the wind had just been knocked out of him. He shut his eyes and tried not to think about his wife and another man in his bed. He swallowed hard and picked up his duffel bag. He swung the bag over his shoulder and headed towards the door. Before he could leave the bedroom, he turned around and took one last look at the woman who had shattered his heart.

"Do you love him?" he asked and she tearfully nodded her head.

"I do… I love Johnny very much…" she whispered.

"Johnny Zacchara?" Logan asked, trying to not let his anger show.

"Yes…" she said, her words were dripping with guilt.

He gritted his teeth and he shut his eyes to suppress his anger. At least he could place a name and a face to the man who stole his life away from him. He took off his wedding band and dropped it on the hardwood floor. The ring hit the floor with an almost silent ringing noise as did Logan and Lulu's marriage. He turned around and walked out of the bedroom, never once hesitating to look back.

_**Last night, you were dreaming and I heard you say…  
"Oh, Johnny…"  
When you know my name is Ray…  
That's why I believe right now (I believe, yes I believe)  
I say I believe right now (I believe, yes I believe)  
Whoa… I believe to my soul now  
Tryin' to make a fool of me (I believe it)**_

**Ray Charles – I Believe to My Soul**


	3. JoLu: The Hounds of Winter

**A/N**: I know I promised a GSpin or a SpinMax as the next one but I've been editing this one like crazy and I've been dying to put it up so here it is… this one is really sad and dark. It's a JoLu fanfic set to Sting's "The Hounds of Winter". When I was listening to this song, I couldn't get this idea for this story out of my head.

**JoLu – The Hounds of Winter**

"Lulu… please…"

Johnny Zacchara woke up in a cold sweat. He couldn't recognize his surroundings but realized that he was back in his dark bedroom in the Zacchara mansion in Crimson Pointe. He hadn't been home in two weeks. He was out of breath, pale and shaking. He looked over at his alarm clock and the neon blue face read 2:12 AM. He groaned and ran his fingers through his short hair. He didn't know why he even bothered trying to sleep. He knew it was a moot point. He couldn't sleep without her.

_**Mercury falling  
I rise from my bed  
Collect my thoughts together  
I have to hold my head  
It seems that she's gone  
And somehow I am pinned by  
The Hounds of Winter  
Howling in the wind**_

It had been a normal day… as normal as one could be in Port Charles. Johnny has woken up with his arm around Lulu, holding her close as he did every night. She had moved in a month before after he had proposed to her. He always smiled when he saw the large canary yellow gem resting on her slender finger. Even though Lulu had broken things off with Johnny and returned to Logan as the war between the Zaccharas and the Corinthos-Morgan organization heated up, a part of him was glad that she had walked away when she did. At least he knew that she was safe away from him, no matter how much it killed him to see her with another man. However, Lulu just couldn't stay away… she begged him to stop the looming mob war and blurted out during one of their many arguments that she would die if anything happened to the man that she loved. She soon broke off things with Logan for good, knowing that she couldn't be without Johnny for another minute, and ran straight into Johnny's arms. The rest just fell into place… he presented her with the largest ring that he could find and asked her to spend the rest of her life with him and then there they were.

Then the worst thing happened.

Johnny and Lulu were walking to the Haunted Star. They were meeting Lulu's father there to discuss the possibility of having their wedding on the boat and Johnny was secretly planning on buying the boat from Luke as one of his many wedding gifts to Lulu. Her arm was linked with his and she was beaming up at her fiancé, gushing about flowers, honeymoon destinations, and of course her dress. He wasn't really absorbing all that she wanted to do with the wedding but he was just happy that she was happy. He never knew Lulu to be a sentimentalist or a girl who dreamt about her wedding day but whatever made her happy he would do. Suddenly, a barrage of bullets headed towards them. Johnny threw Lulu to the ground, covering her body with his. When the ambush stopped and the smoke cleared, Johnny sat up and tried to get Lulu to sit up but she didn't. He gently raised her head and instantly began yelling for help when he realized that his hand was soaked with her blood.

_**I walk through the day  
My coat around my ears  
I look for my companion  
I have to dry my tears  
It seems that she's gone  
Leaving me too soon  
I'm as dark as December  
I'm as cold as the Man in the Moon**_

Johnny was staring at his hands as he sat in the waiting room as Dr. Patrick Drake operated on Lulu. The blood was already dry and for the first time since his catholic school days, he clasped his hands together and prayed. Tears were streaming down his face and he rocked back and forth, promising god that he would change anything and everything about himself in exchange for Lulu's life. He couldn't imagine his life without her. Lucky and Nikolas stormed into the ER and Lucky immediately lunged for Johnny's neck. "You did this! This is your fault!" he kept repeating. Nikolas pulled Lucky off of Johnny, telling him that killing Johnny wasn't the answer and wouldn't help Lulu at all. Johnny sat back down and went back to waiting along with everyone else. After what seemed like hours, Dr. Drake, also accompanied by Dr. Robin Scorpio, came through the double doors, his scrub cap clenched in his fist and walked towards the large crowd that had amassed for Lulu.

"We lost her…" Patrick said, slowly.

Johnny felt his knees give out and fell to the floor, covering his face with his shaking hands. He could feel his breath freeze in his throat as Patrick's words washed over him. He could make out some phrases like, "Too much damage," and "We did everything we could," but no words could console him. Lulu… _his beloved Lulu was dead_. Lucky grabbed Johnny by the collar of his jacket but Elizabeth pulled him back. "You see what you did? You killed her! You killed my sister! My baby sister!" Lucky screamed as tears streamed down his face. Johnny looked him straight in the eye, his lip trembling. He couldn't disagree with him, it was his fault. "Liz, let him go… Lucky, you want to kill me? Do it! Kill me!" Johnny screamed, getting into Lucky's face, provoking him. He was never the one to let his emotions show… in fact, Lulu was the only one who managed to tear down every single wall that he had built around his heart… but no longer. He felt one hot tear fall down his face at this sad realization and he looked up back at Lucky. "You'd be doing me a favor by killing me… I have no reason to live anymore…" Johnny said softly.

_**I still see her face  
As beautiful as day  
It's easy to remember  
**__**Remember my love that way  
All I hear is that lonesome sound  
The Hounds of Winter  
They follow me down**_

Lucky had tried to bar Johnny from the funeral but after much protesting from Bobbie, Carly and Luke, Johnny was allowed to attend. They all knew how much Lulu loved Johnny and would want him to be there. He barely spoke to anyone before, during, or after the funeral. He sat in the back row and hid his eyes from everyone. He couldn't look anyone in the eye and he couldn't look up at Lulu's casket. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to imagine that he was somewhere else… somewhere with Lulu… when they were happy.

He remembered driving that summer in his convertible. Lulu was wearing those oversized sunglasses that she loved so much and a flimsy white camisole over her floral bikini top and her prized brown, pink and orange board shorts that she always wore when they drove to the beach. He could see her perfectly, sitting in the seat next to him as he drove. He could remember exactly how the wind ran through her hand and tossed it all over her face so perfectly… and her laugh as he pressed the accelerator and sped down the winding road. "You're a speed demon…" she whispers in his ear before kissing the spot right behind his ear. Her voice sends a chill down his spine and he almost swerves into the other lane. "Watch it there, Zacchara…" she laughs. "You know better than to do that while I'm driving, Spencer." He says. She smiles at him and runs her fingers through his short hair. "I love you, Johnny." She says, putting her hand on top of his. "I love you too," he said, looking at her.

He smiled sadly at the memory. He opened his eyes and saw Logan standing in front of him. Johnny rolled his eyes and folded his arms. "What do you want, Hayes? Did you come to tell me that Lulu is dead because of me like everyone else has? Huh?" Johnny growled. "You didn't deserve, Lulu…" Logan said, slowly. His face was angry. He had been angry ever since Lulu left him for Johnny. Logan hurled insults at the two of them constantly. Johnny couldn't care less what Logan thought of him or said to him but as soon as Logan called Lulu a few unsavory names, Johnny didn't hesitate to put him in his place. "Lulu was the most amazing person that I have ever known in my life… she was kind, patient, forgiving, and loving… you're right… I probably didn't deserve her, but she chose me…" Johnny started. "You stole her away," Logan spat. "Think whatever you want, Hayes… whatever helps you sleep at night… whatever helps you justify how cruel you were to her when things ended between you two… how Lulu thought of you before she died is on your conscious… not mine." Johnny muttered. "I will never understand what she saw in you," Logan said before walking away.

"I don't know either…" Johnny whispered to himself.

_**I can't make up the fire  
The way that she could  
I spend all my days  
In the search for dry wood  
**__**Board all the windows and close the front door  
I can't believe she won't be here anymore**_

Johnny reached over to his nightstand and grabbed a bottle of water. He wished that this was just a horrible dream… that he would just go downstairs and see Lulu sitting on the edge of his desk in the study, waiting for him to take her in his arms. He sighed heavily and crawled out of bed. He tiptoed past Claudia's room and headed downstairs. The guards were leaning against the wall, sleeping. He opened the door to the study but no Lulu, as he knew she wouldn't be. He closed the door behind him carefully and locked it behind him before walking over to his desk. Johnny dragged his hand along the surface until he came across a picture frame that held his favorite picture of the two of them.

"Come on, Johnny… please? For me?" Lulu asks with her irresistible pout. Johnny folds his arms and shakes his head. "I don't do pictures," he says. "Ok, when our kids ask me why there are no pictures of us while we were dating, I'm going to point my finger at you." She says, putting her hands on her hips. "I put a ring on your finger two days ago and you're already talking about kids? What did I sign up for?" he laughs but she's not amused. She turns to walk away but Johnny lunges and grabs her arm. "Hey… don't get upset." He says, curling a piece of her blond hair around her ear. Lulu folds her arms and sets her mouth in an angry position but Johnny can't help but to stifle a laugh because she looks absolutely adorable. "Ok… ok… I'm a horrible fiancé… bad Johnny… I will pose for whatever kind of pictures you want… only if you smile for me." he laughs and she bursts into laughter. She kisses him sweetly on the lips and grabs the camera out of the desk drawer. "So, how many kids are we talking about?" he asks. "We don't have to talk about that now…" she says as she fiddles with the digital camera. "I'm just wondering because you're going to be the one that pushes all of them out…" he chuckles and Lulu hits him on his shoulder. "Ow! What? It's the truth!" he laughs. "You men…" she mutters. Johnny laughs and puts his arm around her. She holds the camera up and snaps a picture of them. They look up and see Claudia standing in the doorway, laughing. "Give me the camera." She says. Lulu hands the camera over and scoots closer to Johnny. "Ok… Lulu, sit behind Johnny and wrap your arms around his shoulders…. Yes, perfect… I know you want to show off that huge sparkler that my brother bought you." Claudia laughs. He can feel himself smiling as Lulu's hands rest on his chest and as she rests her head on his shoulder. "Aw… John, you're smiling." Claudia teases as she holds up the camera to take the picture. "Well, I have every reason to smile…" he says and Lulu squeezes him affectionately. Claudia starts the countdown for the picture and right as Claudia presses the button to take the picture, Lulu plants a kiss on his cheek.

Johnny ran his thumb over the picture of the two of them and saw a teardrop splash onto the glass. He missed her so much. He turned the frame over, ripped the back off and took out the picture. His hands shook violently and silent tears were streaming down his face as he held the picture of the woman who held his heart. "Why couldn't it have been me?" he whispered to himself. He threw the empty picture frame across the room, shattering it into a thousand pieces. She had died for loving him. Lucky had been right… it was his fault that Lulu was dead. She had died for loving a man with the wrong last name. He fell to his knees, sobbing. "I'm so sorry, Lu… I—I didn't protect you… I would do anything to change this…" he wailed.

"Mr. Zacchara? Is everything alright in there?" one of the guards outside asked after knocking furiously.

"I'm fine," Johnny lied.

_**I still see her face  
As beautiful as day  
It's easy to remember  
Remember my love that way  
All I hear is that lonesome sound  
The Hounds of Winter  
They follow me down**_

Johnny crawled over to the liquor cart in the study and downed the largest shot of scotch that he ever had in his entire life. The alcohol burned as he gulped it down. There was nothing that he wanted more than not to feel. This pain that he was feeling was nothing like he had ever imagined. This agonizing, can't breathe pain was drowning him. Lulu was the woman that changed his life. Lulu and Claudia always said that he had always been a kind and gentle man but Johnny knew that his transformation from the arrogant, aggressive and trigger happy young man that had roared into Port Charles into the man that he was today was all because of Lulu. He stood up and walked back over to his chair at the desk. He exhaled shakily and looked at the picture again. He opened the top drawer and pulled out a small black jewelry box. He flipped open the box and took out the two engraved platinum wedding bands that he ordered for their wedding. "I belong to you," he read, holding Lulu's wedding band in his hand.

He always thought that she looked so beautiful when she slept. Her nose wrinkles and she sneezes. Johnny can't help but to smile and curl a piece of hair around her ear. "Lu…" he whispers. "Hm?" she mumbles, half-asleep. "You awake?" he asks. "Mhmm…" she mutters, not even bothering to open her eyes, and Johnny laughs. He reaches over to his nightstand and pulls out a black jewelry box from his drawer. He bends over and kisses the corner of her mouth. "Lulu…" he whispers. She shifts in her sleep and slowly opens her eyes. Her eyes widen at the ring that he's holding. "Johnny? What's this?" she asks, sitting up. She gathers up the covers to her naked body and Johnny sits up, smiling. "Am I going to have to buy you jewelry every time I want you to wake up?" he laughs. Lulu covers her mouth but Johnny takes her left hand in his own. "You've changed my life so much…" he says and Lulu caresses his cheek with her free hand. "I don't want to go another day without you as my wife…" he says. He never thought of himself as the marrying type, especially after witnessing his parents' volatile marriage. But everything was different… with his father gone and with Claudia at the helm of the organization, he could now dream. He could dream about Lulu in a gorgeous white dress, surrounded by yellow and orange spring flowers, walking towards him, surrounded by family and friends. He could dream about her holding their child in her arms, singing softly. He could dream about a lifetime. "Will you marry me?" he asks and smile breaks across Lulu's face. "Yes… yes! Oh my god! Yes!" she exclaims. He throws his arms around her and holds her tight. She's laughing and crying at the same time. He slips the beautiful ring onto her trembling finger and her eyes are brilliant with joyous tears. She puts her hands on his cheeks and pulls him in to kiss her. "My heart belongs to you, Johnny… forever…" she whispers.

He covered his face in his hands and let out the most heart-wrenching wail. There was no way he could go back to how he was living before. Lulu had breathed life into him and now that she was gone, he couldn't imagine going on for another day with this pain. She was his entire life… loving her was his life and now that she was gone, he didn't see the purpose in living.

_**A season for joy  
A season for sorrow  
Where she's gone  
I will surely, surely follow  
She brightened my day  
She warmed the coldest night  
The Hounds of Winter  
They got me in their sights**_

A soft knock suddenly came to the door. "John? Are you alright in there?" the voice on the other side asked. Tears came to Johnny's eyes upon hearing his sister's voice. "Claudia…" he cried. "John… open the door… we'll talk." She said softly. "I can't—I can't do this…" he said. He heard the doorknob rattle but the door remained unmoved. "John… I want to help you." She said. "You can't," he croaked. "Don't say that…" she said. "Claudia… please leave… I have to do this." He said. "You have to do what?!" she cried. His eyes moved from the silver ring in his hand to the gun that he stored in his drawer. His hand hovered over it before taking it in his hand. It felt so cold… so final. This was it. He would join Lulu in death.

"Johnny… if anything happens to you, I don't know what I'll do!" Lulu cries. Those eyes that he loved so much were filled with tears. As much as it pained him to see her cry, he couldn't help but to be mesmerized by how beautiful she looked. He takes her in his arms and she sobs on his shoulder. They were standing on the porch of Lucky's house. A strong gust of wind brushes over them and he kisses her head softly and runs his fingers through her blond hair. She smells like lavender and vanilla. He makes a mental note to have the housekeeper in the house to change detergent so that his sheets could smell like her shampoo. "Hey… we said that we weren't going to do this… no tears, remember?" he says. "I know… but if you die…" she starts. "Hey… I'm not going to die… I've got too much to live for." He says, flashing his charming smile at her. "You say that now but…" she says but Johnny's fingers come to her mouth to quiet her. "Don't talk about things that aren't going to happen, Lu…" he says. "How can you be so calm?" she asks. He rests his forehead against hers and exhales softly. "If anything happens to me…" he starts. "No…" she whimpers, shaking her head. "Shh… listen… if anything happens to me… know that I love you more than anything in this world," he says and Lulu begins to cry. She clutches his shirt and Johnny brushes the tears from her eyes with his thumb. "Why do I feel that you're saying goodbye to me?" she asks. "I'm not saying goodbye… I know that you're strong and I know that you'd be angry at me if I wasn't completely honest with you about what could happen at this meeting… and if anything happens to me, I know that you'll be ok… you'll be able to move on… and then tell your grandkids about this wild and crazy guy you used to date that liked to jump off buildings and drive fast cars…" he says and he gets a small smile out of Lulu. She wraps her arms around him and squeezes him tightly. "I should go… Claudia's probably waiting for me," he says, pulling away from her embrace. "Please, be careful…" she whispers. "Always…" he says. He walks down the stairs and onto the sidewalk. He can hear her quiet sobs behind him. "Johnny!" she cries out. He turns around and immediately catches her as she runs into his arms, catching her mouth in a kiss.

He wasn't strong like her. He couldn't live this for the rest of his life. He never worried about himself because he knew that she would be strong and go on and he wanted that for her if he had died but this… this he couldn't do. He finally understood how his father became the way that he was… grief made him into this monster that he couldn't recognize. He looked up sharply as Claudia started banging on the door. He cried as he loaded the clip into the gun. He tried to drown out his sister's screams from the other end. She couldn't help him… no one could. His heart started beating furiously as he picked up the gun and raised it to the temple of his head. He closed his eyes and there she was… in that white dress that he wanted to see her marry him in. She smiled warmly at him as only she did and held out her slim and delicate hand. "I love you… so much," he whispered. "I know…" she said. He took her hand in his. It almost felt real… it was so warm…

_**I still see her face  
As beautiful as day  
It's easy to remember  
Remember my love that way  
All I hear is that lonesome, lonesome sound  
The Hounds of Winter  
They harry me down**_

… and he fired the gun.

**Sting – The Hounds of Winter**


End file.
